Tell me, I want to know, do you love yourself?

I have been writing this blog for quite some time now, but now I want you to write me.  I want to know about how you, my reader feels about his/her life.  I want to know about what kind of thoughts are at the helm of your mind.

Tell me, do you love yourself?  If not, I want to know why.

Answer This..Do you know someone who you think is codependent?

I'd like to hear from you...If you are, or if you think you know someone who is codependent, please write me...I would love to hear your stories...

Namaste...

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is a term that was coined a few decades ago. Among addiction counselors it was noticed that the caretakers of alcoholics as well as drug addicts all had very similar emotional symptoms.  Further research indicated that caretakers share traits of enabling personalities, in that they tend to lose themselves while engaging in the care of another addicted person.

Codependent then implies that one is dependent psychologically on one who is dependent on a substance, behavior or other thing.

Codependents are those amongst us who worry obsessively about others.  Most codependents were emotionally abused as children.  They were made to feel psychologically invisible, and very often suffered various forms of abuse, including physical, sexual, verbal or psychological.  The consistent theme amongst codependents is that they can think for others, but not for themselves.

Codependents pair off in relationships.  It is not possible to have a codependent relationship with one who is not codependent.  Non codependents do not appreciate feeling smothered, overly relied upon for their partners sense of satisfaction, and do not enjoy empty praise.

Codependents tend to whine and complain rather than act on their behalf.  They complain about how sorry they feel for themselves, and wallow on sounding as if they prefer the world see them as the martyrs they falsely believe that they are.

On a deep unconscious level, codependents are manipulators who are seeking a sense of validation from others.  They manipulate others by their insatiable need to please others.  In the pleasing of others, the codependent is in search of a return.  The return is the notion that the object of their attention now 'owes' them.  The object of the codependents attention is seen as a source of a much needed sense of self.

Codependents do not cope well.  Because they do not understand how to nurture their own self, and because their childhood wounds are very deep, codependents are blind to the idea that their intentions are skewed and manipulative.  Because in their minds they view themselves as being one who is giving, they are unable to see the error of their manipulative ways.

Codependents are flustered souls, who ultimately wind up feeling exasperated.  Nothing that they thought might help them feel loved has worked.  They have smothered others to the point of draining the ones that they loved, and wind up blaming others for their inability to love the codependent no matter how hard the codependent tries to love them.

The codependent relationship is a trap.  And until the underlying dynamic is exposed, codependents leave trails of chaos behind them.

Overcoming The Need To Enable

It is not an easy thing to do--to think.

While most react without the volition of the mind, most living is done with only 5% of the brain.

Because we beings are habitual in nature, and our organism is one that does not require us to 'think' about breathing, excreting or digesting, our bodies do not require cooperation from a thinking mind.

To think, I have it heard said, is heroic.

To consider ones own patterns of thought, is akin to traveling alone to the center of the earth.

Enabling occurs whenever one sees another as a victim, and who ultimately encourages the illusion that the other is a victim, rather than encouraging the other to learn how to think above their current pattern of thought that supports the idea that the other is a victim.

It is also possible to enable ourselves.

Pity parties, thrown by Debbie Downers, and Sulking Sammy's are drizzled with woe is me party streamers, and 'my life sucks' decorated party plates.

The need to enable is rooted in an immature mindset that is built on less than perfect coping skills.

Coping, suggests that we use our thinking brains to help us choose to feel grateful, instead of pity.

It is possible in any situation, to see good, if one deliberately chooses to use the power of focus to do so.

It does no one any good to play into the illusions that we thinking beings need to feel sorry for ourselves.

From the position of victimhood, we hand over our personal power, throw blankets over the rainbows our brains know it can find, if you just let it, and depress our very own immune systems.

Enabling? Its just not worth it...

Encourage instead of enable, even ourselves...

Namaste...

Forgiving The Other Woman

When we find ourselves being lied to, and that our lovers have lovers other than us, we are often left with veins full of anger.  Our lives turn inside out, and upside down. Its all we can do to just keep breathing. So afraid of believing that our man could ever be completely responsible for the affair, we take our rage out on the other woman, in the hopes of relieving some of the pain that is left in our veins.

Unfortunately however, our anger is misdirected.  Often times the other woman, thinks you are the other woman.  More often than not, we women have been 'played', 'manipulated' and toyed with like some recreational hobby.  So in fear of being alone, or perhaps facing the demon called, humility, we run towards the easiest target, and refuse to face the fact that we were wrong about our man, us and our relationship.

I am one who firmly believes in 'Sisterhood'.

I am hoping that as time marches on, women become more self fulfilling, and need to be validated by men less.

I am hoping and believing, that as women begin to honor themselves for the miraculous creatures they are, that they no longer require a man in their life to feel validated or worthy.

I am hoping that as we women learn to forgive one another, we fear facing life alone less, if that is what we need to do.

I am hoping that as women educate themselves more deeply about how to 'love themselves', that we also learn to love one another more too.

If we woman had not been taught to be envious of one another since we were tiny children, perhaps we would not be--the sometimes catty creatures we are today.

Cinderella, and Snow White, although I do believe they were kind, empathetic creatures, did little to empower the little girls we all once were.  The messages received in fairy tales like these, do more harm than they do good, and do little but reinforce the idea that women need be envious of one another, and that woman need to be rescued by men.

And so, when our prince turns out to be toad, we are left feeling disillusioned, and broken.

But in that time of broken heartedness, is when we need to love our selves the most.

Denying the truth, displacing the blame, and staying angry only keeps the dysfunctional illusion of the life we are living--alive.

Illusions are better off dead.

Namaste...

On The Road Back To Me

I am currently working on my next book, 'On The Road Back To Me'.  In it I will discuss how I struggled to reinvent my thought process towards healthier ideas, so that I could spare my children the splintering effects of codependent thinking processes and behaviors.

Finding The Road Back To Me was one thing.  Staying On The Road Back To Me was quite a different journey than the first.

In life we are bombarded in every moment with choices.  We may not consciously keep ourselves ever aware of this concept, but it is my belief that we should.

Many times I disowned my right to choose, and instead stayed in chaotic, toxic, unsatisfying places, because at the very least things were predictable.  Afraid of change, and a deep rooted fear of the unknown, rooted in the notion that I could or should not trust my own self, kept my stymied much of my life.

Throwing ourselves into an abyss for the sake of healthier, and happier days is a courageous act, for we have no bearings to help us navigate the future unknown terrains.

All too often we beings fail to rely on our ability to choose, and to trust our internal guidance system, the one that so instinctively lets us know by way of our emotions, whether we are heading in the right or wrong direction.  We beings choose to stay where we are -- mentally, and continue doing what we did the day before, simply because we fail to challenge our thoughts to think a different thought.

We think others should think like us, or do what we do, or want what we want, and get stuck in the byproduct of resistant thinking.

Change is like being dropped off in a foreign country with a blindfold on.  Its that intimidating, that daunting, and that life zapping.  Nothing is familiar.  Nothing sounds like home, and nothing feels right.  So accustomed to dysfunction, we know nothing of the sweet aromas of possibility, or hope, or of letting go.

For those of us who find the courage to take the leap into the abyss of the unknown, most of us discover that we are more aerodynamic than we ever realized.  As the dust of newness settles, and we begin to learn to ease up on our resistance to change, we come to rely on the one source that we often ignored -- our inner being.

Your inner being and mine wants only one thing -- joy -- that can only by found by way of love.

Our ego's -- our minds -- our patterned thought processes, fails to allow new tracks to be laid out in the brain.  So afraid of change, or of being made to feel vulnerable, our ego's help us to learn how to distract from those things that challenge our predictable lives and protects our false identities from being exposed to others.

We play the game.  We smile on cue.  We do bad things behind others backs.  We never tell the truth, especially not to ourselves.  And in all of it, we deny our right to be in love with -- truth -- joy -- others -- and life itself.

In order to be truly happy, we beings must learn to tell the complete truths, especially to ourselves.  Because if we don't, we miss out on the ultimate human experience.

Love your 'self'.  Know what your priorities are.  Follow your bliss.  Challenge your old thought patterns.  Don't be so resistant to thinking new thoughts. And most important, be gentle with your self and others.  Journeys are meant to be shared.  When our priority is love, and not to be right, we simply cannot get it wrong...

Namaste...

The Joy of Letting Go

As time passes, and my emotional self catches up with this time and space reality, I find peace in letting go.

The easing up of resistance, which I so often feel in my chest ( or to those in the 'healing' circuit -- the heart chakra) is where I can sense this angst slipping away.

On auto pilot no more, I am more in touch with unease and its reasons for being a part of me than ever before.  My job then, is to remind myself often to use the divine ability to detach from angst when I begin to feel my peace slipping away.  The goal being to stop pinching myself off from what is my birthright -- joy.

There is fear in the atmosphere. And when we stop reminding ourselves that we are enough, and that most of us really don't need all the things we think we do, fear rises up from within.  We then get swept up in the equivalent negative external frequencies, and discover that what was inside of us, is now also outside of us, mirroring the angst that so creepily showed up when we stopped paying attention to our point of focus.

Human, but determined to be ever conscious that I am more than just flesh stuck to bones, and that this universe is but a mirror of that which I am on an emotional and thus vibrational level,  it behooves me to stay aware, connected to my true 'self'.

I am happy, on purpose, and strive to be no matter what...

It isn't always an easy task, but it is worth the effort...

Namaste...