Friday, April 18, 2014

Why You Are Amazing!

If it is true that energy and matter can neither be created nor destroyed--then that means that at the exact moment of the Big Bang--all that would ever be--already was--and that includes you and me.

On my usual and routine hour long drive to work yesterday morning I was struck by the brilliance of the moon--as well as the thought above.

Along my road to emotional recovery there have been many times where I have wanted to dig my heels into the mud and exclaim, "This shit ain't fair, and somebody out there owes me."  But as I continued along my journey I eventually pulled my wet emotional diapers off, and learned to accept that the world didn't owe me anything.

Although learning to let go of blaming others for why I felt so crappy was not an easy thing to do, in hindsight it was the most crucial step of my recovery.  Standing in defiance of self reliance--never works out.  Health is not possible without self responsibility as well as self accountability.

It still amazes me to ponder the reality that the idea of self accountability includes every little freakin' thought that passes through the space between our ears. It is not enough to only be concerned with what we say and what we do.  Emotional healing that leads to a life lived with integrity--requires one to monitor all that is us--and that includes the silent self talk we ourselves sometimes don't even hear.

When I was a little girl absorbing the oddities of the place I learned to call home--I did not know then that both of my parents were zombies who had been corrupted by the disease of alcoholism.  I did not know that my parents souls had been hijacked and that their brains computer had been struck with a virus.  All I knew was--I craved their affection, their touch, their smiles, their attention--and their validation--but--it never came.

As a child of ACOA's--I learned to believe that the gap between my zombie like parents and I was my fault.  This one hunch--derailed what should have been a joyful life experience.  But I--like so many children raised by the unaware and self absorbed--absorbed the disconnectedness between my parents and I like dry sand sucks in the rain.

PUSH THE FAST FORWARD BUTTON and today I am a Life Coach who specializes in ACOA recovery.  In truth--I feel like a warrior whose mission it is to fight for the souls of others who have been wounded as I have.

It was a miraculous and tearful day the moment I learned to push past the gossamers veil my dysfunctional childhood webbed before my souls eyes--the one that prevented me from knowing my (your) ultimate truth.

I was always ENOUGH.

In terms of a quantum reality--I am as significant as the glowing moon in the sky--and as equal to a slimy slug.  There is nothing that is, that is more important or more valuable than anything else that also is.  At the point of the Big Bang--in theory anyway--I already was....and so were you.

What has happened to us emotionally is irrelevant in that --no matter what label we choose to wear, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Indian, Jew, ACOA or ADHD--the quantum reality is--whatever we are--we are all equal seeds of God/Creator/Source/Spirit--and therefore we are ENOUGH.

Now, what we do with that quantum reality--is up to us.  At this part in our personal journeys we get to invoke our free will to 'choose' what thoughts to think--empowering or disempowering--to be or not to be....

A life lived without integrity--is a life not lived.

Namaste....



Saturday, April 12, 2014

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY THE ROAD BACK TO ME


Today is the second anniversary of my book The Road Back To Me.




I would like to thank all of my blessed brothers and sisters out there--who like me--were not nurtured to believe in the Self as children.



Publishing The Road Back To Me was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make.  As I state in the introduction of my book--it was the fear of hurting the people I loved that caused me to delay its publication.
For children who were lucky enough to come from stable--loving--enlightened homes--you (they) might know little about what it feels like to have been ripped apart from your own soul.  If you were fortunate enough to be told you were 'good--kind--considerate--thoughtful and intelligent' when you were a child--get down on your knees and give thanks--because you have no idea the troubles we ACOA's and children from self absorbed and indifferent parents have had to endure.

When my family first heard I had published a book about my childhood experiences in relation to what happened in our dry alcoholic home--word got back to me that they (my family) was 'done' with me.

I remember collapsing into my then fiancĂ©'s arms--thinking "Oh no..."  My worst fear had come true--and like a moth to a flame--all of my anxiety about fearing the 'what if's' flooded into my experience.

Since then--over and over and over--I have had readers of my website, and viewers of my videos' as well as my Life Coaching Clients tell me how deeply healing my book has been for them.  And every time I hear such a testimony from a reader, viewer, or client--I immediately get goosebumps--because as so many of you know--I once seriously considered suicide.

The Road Back To Me--had to be published.  As if I had been born pregnant with the story inside of my belly--this book is an experience I felt compelled to accomplish--in spite of all the bumps along the way.

Today I honor YOU--the emotionally confused ACOA--who has either begun to put the pieces back together--or who has embraced and claimed her/his right to total recovery.

Bless you--and all beings everywhere--for we are all One...

Namaste and thank you...

Lisa A. Romano



Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Long Island Life Coach--ACOA Recovery--How To Stop The Insanity

Check Out Self Help Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Lisa A Romano Life Coach on BlogTalkRadio

Long Island ACOA Life Coach--Handy Checklists For Struggling Codependent Relationships

Below you will find an amazing article that should be able to help de-clutter the tangled web of thoughts, emotions and ideas you may have regarding the classic question, "What is normal?"

So many of us struggling codependents don't know what healthy or normal is.

We were abandoned long ago by parents who were self absorbed--controlling--and ignorant to what their true role was in our lives.  As a result, we never learned to believe in our worth--and that in truth--we were never NOT worthy.  Because we lived with parents who could not 'see us--or hear us--or feel us'--we never had our emotional or psychological needs met.  Wounded--we internalized this abandonment--and like all children do--we learned to presume that we were not enough. Tsk..Tsk..

As adults many of us enter into relationships expecting others to meet those needs our parents never met.  We unconsciously manipulate people into our lives--and secretly expect them to do everything we want them to do--as a way to secure they never abandon us.  We control them--manipulate them--lie to them--and pretend we have 'their' best interests at heart, especially at the beginning of the relationship.  However, below the gossamers veil--in the pools of the unconscious mind--breathes the unfortunate truth.

Recovering from codependency isn't for the average Joe or Suzie Schmoe.  It takes guts of steel to face what we have done--and to swallow the reality that we are learning to accept--WE created.  While most beings spend their lives blaming others for why they drink, or for why they behave inappropriately--for we recovering codependents who have finally awakened--we are learning to understand that only Personal Truth can set us free.

Namaste Dear Brothers and Sisters--We are The Codependent Systems Buster--And By Waking Up We Are Changing The World...

Lisa A. Romano
Life Coach For The Awakening Codependents



Can You Love Someone Too Much?

By 







Do any of the following statements ring true for you?
  1. My feelings of self-worth are dependent on what you and other people think of me.
  2. I focus on solving your problems, protecting you from the consequences of your actions, or “fixing” you, to the point of neglecting my own needs. 
  3. My self-esteem is based on my ability to “fix” you.
  4. I abandon my personal values and interests and conform with your values and interests.
  5. I know how you feel and what you want, but I’m not clear on how I feel and what I want.
  6. My words and actions are chosen in attempts to avoid your anger or rejection.
If so, you may be struggling with codependency, defined as becoming so preoccupied with someone else that you cease to take adequate care of yourself. This is not love – this is looking to an outside source to grant you happiness and a sense of purpose, much in the way that alcoholics or chemically dependent people use substances to numb their feelings and escape life. Although codependents may appear to be kind, gentle, and giving, these qualities can mask a wish to manipulate and control others in order to feel better about themselves. So in a sense codependency is a form of addiction.
The answer isn’t to shy away from relationships, as this would be akin to someone with a compulsive eating problem choosing not to eat. We need close and healthy relationships with other people in order to survive and flourish, just like we need nutritious sources of food.
Genuinely intimate relationships, in which you deeply love, encourage, and connect with one another while remaining true to your personal values and truths, are among the most fulfilling aspects of life and can help us remember (rather than forget) who we are. To quote Albert Schweitzer, “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” In healthy relationships, we stoke one another’s fires, so to speak, rather than snuffing out anyone’s flame.
To develop the capacity for healthy love, both for oneself and (therefore) others, it can be helpful to become involved in either Codependents Anonymous, Al-Anon, or one’s personal therapy (or both). Recovering (or discovering) a sense of who you really are, which has been obscured by your obsession with pleasing or controlling others, is not for the faint of heart and does not happen overnight. However, the rewards are boundless.
So, no, it’s not possible to love someone too much… as long as your love comes from a place of emotional maturity. The more mature you are, the more deeply and authentically you can both love and be loved.
The following checklist to evaluate emotional and spiritual maturity is often read aloud at Al-Anon meetings (originally developed for family members of alcoholics and addicts) and can be a helpful list for anyone seeking to truly grow up.
A Checklist for Evaluating Maturity
The difficulties of coping with alcoholism in another are much more effectively met when we ourselves reflect attitudes of mature adults.
A mature adult is one who:
  1. Does not automatically resent criticism, realizing that it may contain a suggestion for self-improvement.
  2. Knows that self-pity is futile and childish–a way of placing the blame for disappointments on others.
  3. Does not readily experience a loss of temper or “fly off the handle” about trifles.
  4. Keeps calm in emergencies and deals with them in a logical, reasonable fashion.
  5. Accepts responsibility without blaming others when things go wrong.
  6. Accepts reasonable delays without impatience, realizing that some adjustment for the convenience of others is necessary.
  7. Is a good loser, accepting defeat and disappointment without complaint or ill temper.
  8. Does not worry unduly about things that can’t be changed.
  9. Doesn’t boast or “show off” when praised or complimented, accepts it with grace, appreciation and without false modesty.
  10. Applauds others’ achievements with sincere goodwill.
  11. Rejoices in the good fortune and success of others, having outgrown petty jealousy and envy.
  12. Listens courteously to the opinions of others even when they hold opposing views; does not enter into hostile argument.
  13. Doesn’t find fault with “every little thing” or criticize people who do things differently.
  14. Makes reasonable plans and tries to carry them out in orderly fashion; does not do things on the spur of the moment without due consideration.
  15. Shows spiritual maturity by–
  • accepting the existence of a Higher Power and recognizing the importance of this Power in life.
  • realizing each person is part of mankind as a whole and has much to give; that each of us has an obligation to share with others the gifts that have been bestowed upon us.
  • obeying the spirit of the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
[From Al-Anon Booklet "Alcoholism, The Family Disease"]


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Free Life Coaching Sessions Available Now

The Road Back To Me will be having its second anniversary--and to celebrate I am offering a free coaching session to the first five readers that contact me to say Happy Anniversary.

Although every breath is a reason to celebrate--I am also delighted to announce that this website has been blessed by nearly 100,000 truth seekers in search of triumph over the invisible wounds of childhood.

In honor of all of you--who have honored and supported me over the years--I would like to say Thank You in my own way.

If interested...please drop me an email at lisaaromano@aol.com

Namaste...we are all ONE.

Lisa
Happy Anniversary!