Sunday, September 21, 2014

Adult Child of Alcoholic--The Invisibly Wounded--You Cannot Serve Two Masters

On the road to recovery, many adult children from dysfunctional homes discover that although they have gathered a plethora of healing jargon along the way, they very often get stuck somewhere along the journey.  Many clients have expressed this feeling of being stuck as one that causes them to feel inept and too broken to ever truly recover completely.

Emotionally manipulative parents wound their children in ways no one could ever truly imagine, as the suffering of an ACoA lies deep within the beings perception of Self.

In spite of the divine truth being, that ALL beings are born perfect, self perceptions held by wounded adult children exist at what feels like the core of that being.

I am not a religious being, but I have great respect for the knowledge and wisdom that is found in various philosophies.

The Bible is perhaps the most concise psychological book that has ever been written. Plagued however, by all too many religious dogmas claiming various teachings unto their own--and for their own agenda's, many innocent beings are turned off by fear based doctrine.  I suggest that one consider the teachings of such great works like those found in the Bible, as a tool that can be utilized during emotional recovery.

For one, The Bible teaches that one cannot serve two masters.  In my own life, and in the work I do with my 

1 out of 5 Of Us Is The Adult Child of an Alcoholic--7 Million Children Are Living With an Alcoholic Parent RIGHT NOW!

One out of five adults have lived with an alcoholic parent in our lifetimes.
Those are alarming statistics. Here's another one.
A new report shows 7.5 million children under age 18 (10.5 percent of this population) lived with a parent who has experienced an alcohol use disorder in the past year. According to the report by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) 6.1 million of these children live with two parents—with either one or both parents experiencing an alcohol use disorder in the past year. (SAMSHA)


I cannot help but think about the consequences these facts create.
We know that one out of five, (and some argue that a closer figure is 1 out of 4) children have lived with an alcoholic parent in their lifetime, then it is time we as a nation address this issue head on in our School Systems.

Children who are being neglected, traumatized and abused at home do not have the mental capacity to focus on learning reading, writing and arithmetic when they are at same time worried about whether or not mommy or daddy is going to beat them when they walk through the front door, or be in a drunken rage.
As a Life Coach who specializes in Adult Child of Alcoholic recovery, I experience daily the lifelong consequences of childhood trauma that is created by being raised by the self absorbed, emotionally, verbally, psychologically and sometimes physically and sexually abusive alcoholic. My clients carry the invisible wounds of childhood trauma. And because of the catastrophic and undeserved pain that is created by being the child of an alcoholic, self worth is often times non existent within their being.
As an Adult Child myself, I empathize with the enormity of the life challenges that become a part of the everyday existence of a wounded and shamed ACoA. Healing however, is possible. I know because I have done it. Undoing what has been done is a process that requires patience, understanding and trust. Without trust in 'something' outside of the Self, it is more than difficult for an ACoA to ask for help--or even accept it when it shows up.
Adult Children include those of us whose grandparents, Aunts and Uncles were alcoholics as well. Because chemical addiction is a dynamic that is earmarked with denial, enabling, fear and shame, it matters not if you were raised in a blatant alcoholic home, or if you were raised in a dry home where alcohol was not visibly abused. In my experience, helping to unravel the dysfunctional belief systems of an Adult Child from a dry home is sometimes more difficult because the abuse they suffered was covert, as there was no 'thing/substance' to point at and identify as the causing agent of their parents core issue.
If you are an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, know that I see YOU. I see YOUR wounds. I know YOUR fears. I feel YOUR pain. You Dear One--are not invisible, not to me and not to those like me who have carried the same cross.
Dear One, it is time to come out of the closet--to step into your truth--and to allow the shame to drop from you--like an old tattered coat. Whatever shame you have carried--know this--it was never yours to begin with.
Namaste Dear Ones...Namaste...

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Adult Child of Alcoholic--The Power of NOW--How We Can Learn To Heal Self

Adult Child of Alcoholic in Recovery--Learning NOT to Take My Self So Seriously

Tonto and his Trusted Horse Scout...Yes that's me! LOL

If you are an adult child of an alcoholic, or the adult child of a dysfunctional home, chances are you have a difficult time NOT taking yourself too seriously.

Why?

Why would an adult child have a difficult time not taking themselves too seriously?

We ACoA's and GCoA's and ACoD (adult children of dysfunction) very often have been the victim of criticism, psychological manipulation, emotional manipulation, physical abuse and worse.

Because our childhoods taught us to that we needed to stay on guard--so to thwart some kind of an attack, we failed to be able to let go--or allow our guards to drop.

By default, we are hyper-vigilant, fear criticism, and tend to be rigid.  We fear making mistakes, laughing too loud, or coming off as silly.  We fear what other people think of us, and so we cut ourselves off from opportunities to let go--be free--and to have pure unobscured FUN!

As a Life Coach, and Self Mastery Expert I hold myself personally responsible for being the type of professional who not only talks recovery--but walks in recovery.

So, as I throw caution to the wind--I am dropping any guard I have, and posting 'one of' the silliest pictures I have of myself, so to help inspire all of you--My Dear Ones--to go out and LAUGH OUT LOUD TODAY!

I would LOVE it if you could forward me some of you most silliest and memorable moments, as one of the most precious gifts of being a human being--is found in the ability to let go of needing to be perfect all the damn time.  Being silly allows us to feel completely free and in the moment--and when we allow ourselves permission to let go--we freely come into alignment with our purpose for being here.

What is our purpose for being here?

Our purpose for being created--is to learn to BE; just BE Self--and of course--to experience, milk, and revel in JOY!

Namaste Dear Ones...

You Are Loved!

Lisa

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Adult Child of Alcoholic--A Poem To Help You Remember Who You Really Are--Awaken Dear One-You Have Suffered Enough




Die to the old, 
Be born to the new,
For the kingdom of heaven,
Is within you.

Resurrect your mind, 
Transcend the old, 
Dear One, 
You Are a Soul.

Forget what they taught you, 
They could never have known,
That your birthright was, 
To live your life from a throne.

Yes Dear One, you have been battered,
And you have been bruised,
And the things about you, 
Have you feeling confused.

Dear One Know this,
Your DNA is coded for rebirth,
Yes it is true,
Heaven can be found here on earth.

Your life has tainted your mind,
Your life and others too, 
Have you feeling unworthy, 
And lost are you.

Look within star seed, 
Connect to your source, 
Close the gap, 
And get back on course.

Leave others behind, 
If they fail to believe, 
That all born, 
Are worthy to receive.

Many teachers have come,
To share the great news, 
That life is LIGHT, 
And that each being gets to choose.

So who have you, 
Chosen to believe you are?
Do you believe what others have said,
Or do you believe in the language of your hearts star?

Be in the world, 
Not of it, Dear One,
For You Are ENOUGH, 
To teach you this lesson--is why I have come.

From time to time, 
You may fall to your knees, 
And when this happen, 
Remember the trees.

Trees just are, 
They claim the right, 
To live and be free, 
And even grow through the night,

They do not ask, 
If it is alright that they be, 
No Dear One, 
A tree just wants to be a tree.

Go forth now, 
And remember who you are, 
You Dear One, 
Are A Creator and a Star!

Written by;
Lisa A. Romano
Self Mastery Life Coach Specializing in ACoA Recovery

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Adult Child of Alcoholic--Learning To Heal Our Anxiety




If you are the adult child of an alcoholic, there is no doubt you have suffered trauma in your life.  More than likely you may even be suffering from some form of post traumatic stress disorder.  When events occur in the Now, that remind you of a traumatic event from your past, it is all too easy to be pulled back into a negative spiral.

Perhaps before your father beat your mother, he would have a glass of Scotch on the rocks.  Today you might tense up every time you hear ice cubes clang against the sides of a glass.  You might feel anxious every time you are at dinner and you hear someone order Scotch on the rocks.  And if you are experiencing any signs of angst under these circumstances, relax; you're normal.

That's right dear one...YOU ARE NORMAL!

In fact, your response is absolutely appropriate given your unique circumstances.

Your brain is so highly sophisticated that it has the ability to recall all circumstances, sounds and etc, that occur before a traumatic event occurs.

If you have been unfortunate enough to live with a violent alcoholic, there are certain cues your brain absolutely had you look out for on a fairly consistent level.

Why you ask? Why would your brain innately cause you to be hyper-vigilant--and cause you to lose yourself and instead focus on the outside of you, and have you feeling like the rug was going to be pulled out from beneath you every moment of every day?

Because your divine self--did not fear its inner world, but your being knew you needed to pay attention to the outside--because an attack could occur at any time.

Yes dear one--your hyper-vigilant way of being--served you then, and you were NOT crazy for feeling like your world could fall apart at any moment--because it quite possibly could have.

KUDOS TO YOU DEAR ONE!

So what do we do now when as adults we wish to turn that volume knob down?

What do we do now, to help us NOT feel so on guard all the time?

Well, there are many things we can do today to help us manage our over sensitivity to our environments.  One of those things is coaching with a mentor.  We can also go to 12 step meetings, journal our reactions as well as over reactions, and incorporate meditation into our daily routines.

One of the most helpful tools I have used on my road to recovery is cognitive reframing.

What's cognitive reframing you ask?

It is a deliberate and conscious process by which  trauma survivors learn to reframe and or restructure the way they see their pasts and selves.

For instance, if I know that my heart starts to beat fast every time I hear ice hit the sides of a glass, I could in that moment harness my anxiety, bless it for helping me tap into my flight or fight responses when I was a child, and then within my own mind, talk myself off the ledge with thoughts like,

"Okay I can feel my heart beginning to beat fast. Oh yes, I know why.  I just heard ice hit that mans glass over there. Yep, that's the sound I used to hear right before daddy got explosive.  Of course my brain is being triggered, because it is designed to help me stay aware and to help me avoid being harmed.  I remember now.  I am not six years old anymore and daddy isn't lurking down the hallway of  our house waiting to take his rage out on me or my mom anymore.  I can stop in this moment and remember to love my little child Self--and help my brain let go of its need to help me stay on guard anymore.  This is one trigger response I am willing to release."