Adult Children: How To Be Happy

When you are the adult child of an alcoholic or the product of being raised by one, you can't quite put your finger on what's wrong.  All you know is you feel ill, inappropriate; like a misfit.

As we age, our ego has never learned to trust this place we call home, and so--ego grows.

As adults, we have learned to believe that it is necessary to protect self, and so--we cling--we defend--we whine--we project--we protest--play the martyr--over compensate--play the victim--and pretend we do not have a choice as to what kind of life experience we wish to create.

Some of us die before we learn to trust in loving self.  We die miserable, depressed, riddled with disease, and believe life was unfair.

The most unfortunate dynamic of such a death is not the death.  For such a soul death is a welcomed event; a chance to be reborn anew and free.  The ultimate tragedy is that the being never learned to understand that the universe does not play favorites.  This is a magnetic place--believe it or not--and the universe responds first, foremost and only--to what we offer it emotionally.  Thoughts create things...because thoughts are tied to emotions--which carry either negative or positive charges to them.

We adult children need to be aware.  While acknowledging ones own wounds is crucial to healing the past--it is necessary to learn to embrace letting go of the old.  If we do not learn to change what we think about--and what we feel--we cannot change the course of our life.  We will continue to draw to us unwanted things, and people who are very much alike the personalities of our past.

On May 11th, 2013 this adult child married the man of her innocent, seven year old, child's heart.  And even though the skies were torrential, not for a moment did a smile leave my face.

A few years ago I began taking the physics of the universe a lot more seriously.  The law of attraction is as simple and as concrete as the law of inertia.  There is no hocus pocus type stuff type here folks.  Its basic science.

I will be eternally grateful for having been awakened and enlightened to truth.

It was not my fault I was not loved and appreciated when I was a child.  But then again, nor was it my parent's, for they were victims too.

My parents are in their seventies.  They are much more frail than in recent years, and in their eyes I see much that is missing.  There is no joy--there is no wonder--there is no anticipation--there is no peace--and worst of all--I see no love--not authentic love anyway.

I bless my parents, and even my ex because the contrasting life experiences they brought into my life burned an immense fire under my ass--and created inexhaustible desire to love my children as a child should be loved, and to also--find a partner that I could love without hesitation, and who without holding back--loves me too.

This is the lifetime that I remembered--that I AM--that which is--therefore all that is--is that which I AM.

Namaste dear ones...you are loved...

Lisa

A Happy New Mrs....

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Our Children; Struggling to Save Them From Addiction

Recently my 24 yr old son came at me claiming that I was too hard on him when he was a child.  He said I made him worry about drinking and doing drugs so much, that when he drinks with his friends now, he gets anxiety.  He claims that he can't let loose and have a good time when his friends are all letting go, getting drunk, and having a blast.  He says he hears my voice in his head when he's around people who smoke weed, and he feels angry because he can't let go and have as much fun as everyone else around him.  He says that he doesn't want to live what he calls a 'conservative life'.  He called me a Puritan, and suggested I was a tight ass, anal retentive, self righteous, judgmental mom, who knew nothing about the 'real' world.

Standing in my kitchen, next to the dinner I made my son last night, I struggled to hold onto my Self, and the values I believe in.  It hurt to see the only son I have quite literally weep out of frustration, anger and confusion.  I know my son, and I know he is struggling to find his own way; to discover his own set of norms and values--outside his 'mommies' straight and narrow point of view.  But I also know, that somewhere deep within my son, is the fear that maybe his mother is right.  Maybe alcohol, and weed shouldn't be so much a part of the masses everyday experiences--or at least--such a significant factor in young peoples lives today.

As a mom, I am empathetic with my sons position.  The people he cares for don't have as many concerns about alcohol as his mother does.  His friends were not raised by an aware ACoA.

When I first became pregnant with my son, who happens to be my first, I swore to myself at the tender age of 23, that I would take my role as parent seriously, and teach my son how to be a strong individual who needed not to follow anyone.  I believe my son struggles now--because being the individual I tried to raise him to be--flies right in the face of the type of lifestyle so many young adults are living today.

When I look around, it is difficult for me not to notice how few 'real' parents there are in this world.  So many adults I know party with their kids, get high on a regular basis, and find nothing wrong with their kids drinking in front of them.  Sadly I know parents who offer their teenage children glasses of wine, and even shots of hard liquor, as if there is nothing irresponsible about doing so.

My son and I are in the same boat.  As a parent I feel very much confused and bewildered by how lax so many of the parents I know are.  I am somewhat isolated in this area, although I have grown comfortable in feeling alone when it comes to this subject area.  My son struggles because his upbringing has taught him to avoid alcohol and weed, and of course all other types of drugs, yet his peers find nothing 'off' about dabbling.

As a recovering codependent, I am aware at how slippery the slope can be for people like me and even my son.  What choices are our own, and how much of ourselves are we willing to change to fit in, or feel accepted by those we love?

I made the choice early on to never do drugs or to drink to excess.  I was as young as twelve and knew that drugs and alcohol would never be a part of my life.  Internally there was a bell that rang whenever I was around people who drank, or did drugs. And I am thankful for it.  I was okay standing on a rock in the middle of the ocean all by myself.  I was never willing to smoke weed or do drugs simply because all of my friends did.  I was grateful that my friends accepted who I was, and never pushed it on me.  We had boundaries we didn't cross.  If and when they did experiment with this thing or that, they never did it around me, and I was comfortable with that.

I am hoping my son one days appreciates how difficult it has been to raise my three children alone, and with high personal values.  It becomes abundantly clearer more each day, how so many of my issues with my children have to do with societies norms.

Real parents today must fight society.  The world is unfortunately full of parents who are too afraid to play the role of teacher and adult.  Many parents don't know how to have fun themselves without relying on that glass of wine or that joint, or that anti anxiety medication.

Although my son has sadly misinterpreted my parental intents, I will never apologize for trying to teach him to be the best he could be.  I wish for my son to be the type of man who rushes towards life, knowing he can trust his own mind, and that he needs to please no one but himself.  My goal was to empower my son so much, that he never needed to rely on anything outside of his own brain power to have a good time.

Did I fear my children could become addicted to alcohol or drugs if they started to experiment?  Of course I did.  Addiction is rampant in my family.

It would have been irresponsible of me not to teach my children about the dangers of addiction.

To all those parents out there, who are finding it difficult to hold onto yourself when your adult children start blaming you for why they can't let go and have fun, because all they can hear is your voice in their head warning them not to do things they should not do--I say--good job.  Perhaps that little voice is maddening now, but if it saves our children from slipping down that slope--the stress it creates now will be worth it in the end.

Namaste...

Adult Children of Alcoholics--Pain is Useful--The Goal of Humanity

The goal of every being born is to one day envelope thine own divinity.

In divine reality we are all beings of light.

Our divine nature is light.  While on earth we have been conditioned to believe man came from ADAM--in divine reality--man is the product of ATOM.

(They Will Be Done On Earth as It Is In Heaven ((Adam--Atom)).

At our source level--we are extensions of pure light.

Here on earth--in this free will zone--our light bodies require a physical body to exist within.  Biblically we have been told that our bodies are the temples of The Holy Spirit.  This spirt is in fact Holy--and deeper--it is in fact our own Spiritual Entity.

On earth--because this is a free will zone--and because when man is brought into this time space reality--a great sleep falls upon him--he enters this place--unconscious to his divine nature.

It is the journey of the man to remember and ultimately awaken to that which he has forgotten.

Our pains are the result of unconsciousness--Our pains need not define us as Adult Children of Alcoholics, or Adult Children of Adult Children of Alcoholics.

Pain need not define us at all.  However, pain may help us create desire, and thus teach us how to manifest deliberate realities.

If you are reading these words--you are on your path.  You are encroaching upon your own awakening and are closer than ever before to understanding why man/you were created at all.

The goal of humanity is to reconnect to that facet of our individual human existence that has been laden by pain.  It is pain that creates the contrast we beings require to cause significant change.

The greater the being suffers--the greater the desire to be set free from whatever bondage is causing the suffering.

Adult Children--Remember who you are--and why you were born.

You were born to reconnect to who you are--which is an extension of all that is divine.

What has happened to you--is useful--in that it has created much desire in you to claim your birthright for joy.

Embrace the pain--forgive it--let it go--and then allow your inner being to guide you closer to your divine spiritual Self.

You came from light--and to light shall you return.  The goal of man while in physical form is to learn how to master the light from within.

Namaste...

Adult Children of Alcoholics-You Can Heal: Adult Children of Alcoholics and The Great " I AM "

Adult Children of Alcoholics-You Can Heal: Adult Children of Alcoholics and The Great " I AM "

Adult Children of Alcoholics and The Great " I AM "

The "I AM" Discourses is a collection of teachings by Saint Germain.  Essentially Saint Germain is advocating that all beings learn to fully embody the understanding that God, Creator, Source (whatever your belief has you believing in as the maker of all that is) is YOU.

What strikes me so deeply is how incredibly simple Saint Germain suggests life was intended to be--which means--life--as we know it--and especially as ACOA or Adult Children of Adult Children of Alcoholics--can be so screwed up.

Conditioned to fear rather than love--because our associations about love continually left us feeling inept, unworthy, rejected and abandoned--it is impossible for those of us who have been emotionally and otherwise abused, to have been able to connect to any form of the great "I AM" because what we were--we were conditioned to reject within our own Self.

The key to happiness as a free thinking adult today however, does truly--truly--lie in learning to embrace self control--and self correction.

Detaching from our pain body (emotional body) creates the objectification we need to softly learn the skills required that lead to self control and self correction.

As ACOA--we are not only the infection--we are also our own Cure...because as Saint Germain suggests...all the power we need to heal lies in the ability to control what we think and especially what we feel.

Healing what has been--and ultimately letting it go--will lead to an emotionally free body and open mind--that has the ability then--to deliberately stream thought in a positive form.

Today declare--"I AM no longer touched by anymore fear and our doubts--that I AM the creator of my own reality--and for now and forever more--through diligence--patience and practice--I will learn to control my own thoughts and correct them when necessary--so that I may begin creating a more deliberate and honorable life."

Namaste...

Adult Children of Alcoholics and The Almighty EGO

Our ego's have been created by the people and circumstances and ultimate perceptions we have been taught to place upon them.

Our ego is not us.

The ego part of our personalities is the facet of us which enabled us to separate our existence from mother and father.

Learning to understand that we were independent from mother and father when we were about two years old was crucial to our psychological understanding of our place in the world.

It was right and good that concepts like "mine" and "yours" was understood.  And it was also right and good that we learned to understand the meaning of negative emotions like fear.

But what happens when our well intending parents miss the mark?

What happens when instead of teaching us to use our emotions as sort of a guidance system to help us avoid additional negative situations--we learn to associate with them instead?

What happens when instead of thinking, "Oh no--that doesn't feel good to grab my toy out of the hands of my little brother--It feels so much better to share it instead"--we think--and worse--feel "Oh no--I must be bad because I feel bad for taking the toy from my brother--I am no good"?

It seems just a subtle difference--but it is all the difference.

Because as ACOA many of the people we loved used emotional tools like guilt, shame, fear and even praise against us to manipulate us into doing what they wanted us to do--we learned to associate our worth in how well we were able to please others.

Of course this kept us separate from our higher Self and more deeply ingrained in our Ego's.

Ego's are based in fear.  When we feel or sense powerlessness--it is our ego that kicks into high gear and triggers our immature emotional responses.  We may retaliate against others when we feel criticized, judged, or disapproved of because we have been taught to fear what others think of us.

Adult Children of Alcoholics have some of the biggest ego's around.  We tend to be overly critical of Self as well as others.  We can be impossible to live with because we live so deeply rooted in the ego.

Zen Check

In reality, all we have is the present moment and for most of us--this present moment is pretty damn awesome--or at least it isn't full of tragedy.  And that's enough to tap into gratefulness for.  But how many of us do?

Learning to observe your emotions rather than react and associate with them is the key to healing the past.

The miracle is Now...in this moment...

Can you--or shall I ask--Will YOU feel and embrace it--or Not...

To Allow the Ego--or--to Not Allow the Ego...

That is the question...

Namaste....

ACOA--End Your Preoccupations

As ACOA we sometimes get caught up in a preoccupation about what has been.  Yet there is no life in what has already been lived.

To truly heal--we must awaken to our truth.  We are not our wounds or the faulty programming of the past.

We are incarnations of divinity--and when we awaken to this truth--we awaken to Life.

Adult Children--Learning to Love YOU

ACOA must separate Self from its Self in order to love its Self more.

YOU must detach from your limited programming--far enough from what has been--in order for you to know your divine truth.

Namaste...

Adult Children of Alcoholics--What is Your Software (Programming)

The very way we think, feel, behave and react to others is the result of our emotional software.  Every thing we think--is the result of our internal programming that was programmed into us like a computer when we were small children picking up pieces of information about our world.

Your software was created unconsciously.

In order to heal, you must learn to 'observe' your software. You must learn how to put some space between your software--and your Self.

If you were needed to deprogram a piece of computer software--it would be impossible to do so--if YOU were the software.

In order to deprogram the software--you would need to OBSERVE the software--watch how it functioned--and then deliberately and consciously figure out how to resolve the problem.

Suffering and the ACoA;

Suffering is a figment of the minds imagination.

Because we have been programmed to believe that what other people think about us is more important than what we think about ourselves--our software is faulty.

Because we have been taught to fear making a mistake--our software is faulty.

The kink in our programming are these false beliefs as well as many others.

Observe the False Beliefs;

In order to heal your wounds--you will need to learn how to quiet the mind so that your mind can detach itself from the perception that your thoughts equal YOU.

Your thoughts are running on a default program that is the result of faulty unconscious programming.

Observe this understanding.

Detachment;

Once you allow the observer within--you must then learn to detach from the suffering you have attached to.

You were never not enough--so what then does all your suffering mean?

While it feels real--is it really?

If you are an extension of creator--how then could you not be enough?

Forgiving;

Your programmers were your parents--your teachers--your family--friends--neighbors--culture--and environment.

In order to heal and allow for a body, mind, and soul integration to take place--you must learn to forgive the programmers who were unaware they were programming you to believe in nonsensical ideas.

You also must learn to forgive your Self for not loving YOU the way you deserved to be loved.

Letting Go;

As the observer in you grows, so too does the attachment to your true authentic Self.

Conscious practice helps bring about speedy integration.  It is necessary to dedicate much time to the practice of stilling the mind in order to heal the wounds of the past.

As space between your higher Self and your suffering grows--so to does your ability to begin letting go.

Live, Laugh and Love;

Holding on to our pain helps us feel safe and it also gives us an identity.

Healing will require us to not only detach, observe, forgive and let go--but it will also require us to learn how to trust that all is well.

Learning to trust Self and to honor our own intuition can be a frightening thing to do.

But until the being learns to not be crippled by the fear of making a mistake--we the being stays stuck and attached to our pain.

Today, vow to live, to laugh and to love as if tomorrow might never come.

Now is the only certain in your life.

Namaste...

9/11 and a Divorce--Healing Using The Power of Focus

When 9/11 struck my city, it felt as if a meteor had blown a galactic size hole in my little life.  A newly single mother of three small children, exhausted by the consistent flow of fear that had been running through my veins due to the sudden harshness of my little families circumstance, watching the towers  burn to the ground as my babies stood beside me, made me feel like our entire world had gone mad.  Nothing felt safe.  Nothing felt for sure.  And nothing felt like home anymore.

For a few days sadness as well as grief hung like a thick blanket over New York City.  Into every set of eyes I looked, I saw--me.  And when I observed my children, I could not help but wonder--'what must they be feeling now?'

When families divorce, so often the focus is on what spouse did what wrong.  So engulfed by fear about who might be blamed for the demise of a dysfunctional marriage, all too many times both parties dive into ego protection mode and fail to contemplate the shredding that occurs at the heart level of their little ones.  Add flying planes into populated city skylines, on top of crumbling family dynamics, and then imagine--just for a moment--what it must have been like to be a three, nine or eleven year old observer of it all.

Naturally empathetic by nature, it was not difficult for me to become overwhelmed by what it must have been like for my innocent children way back then.  And although everyday I wore my mascara and traced my lips with gloss, as our inner and outer worlds crashed to the ground, inside I silently wondered how it was I was going to be able to make their worlds ever feel safe again.

Unsure of when or in what precise moment my mind began to shift, I am stymied when I ask my Self how it was I was able to hold the fragile strings of my life together back then.

I have since resigned my Self to believe that a power greater than my limited conscious mind was with me all the way.  So raw was that time, that it sometimes felt like my heart had tears as well as my eyes.  Everywhere I looked, it hurt to see what was staring back at me.  It could only have been a force I could not name, that got me through those dark days, for I--the physical being I AM--could not have survived what I did alone.

If I could offer anyone who was going through  a trying time any piece of sound advice, it would be this;  focus not on what has been--but on where you would like to go.

If peace is your goal--think not of chaotic things.

If love is your goal--think of how to be more loving.

If harmony is your goal--think of how to create harmony in the present moment.

If joy is your goal--think not of what has crumbled--and focus instead on recreating.

If it is behind you--leave it there--and set your eyes upon wanted things.

When you learn to use the power of your focus--you learn to be the author of your own life--and everyday is a new chapter.

And when you learn to let go--a force greater than you've ever known helps you stay in a positive flow.

When those of us who decide to be the masters of our own lives, step boldly to the face of fear, miracles do eventually show up.

And as my sacred family and I begin to ready for another round of changes, this time around I am aware that we are all in the midst of one of those delightful miracles.  In spite of my children's natural fear of unknowns, this mother has learned to believe in Self and to open her hearts door--to faith.

Its all good--it always will be good--for my focus is on the good.

In a few short weeks I will be marrying my equal--my twin flame--my lover--and my friend.

It is my knowing, that in spite of all the tragedy that has been a part of my children's past--I have taught them through example--to keep calm and carry on.

Although redesigning my life at times was not an easy thing to do--I somehow knew that not focusing on where I wanted to go--meant I would need to stay longer in a place I didn't want to be.

Focus is the power behind every artists brush, and it is also the tool we beings use to design our lives.

I am humbled, and incredibly grateful for all that has been--for all has lead me to where I AM.


Namaste...

Open Letter to The Universe

I thought I would share with you, my early morning letter to the universe. A dedicated student of life, committed to unlocking the secrets of the ancients--so to ensure in every way possible--my life has been one lived through an awakened mind--I eagerly seek deeper understandings of self/life--because of my unwavering commitment to living my life to its fullest potential.

As my awareness of self/life grows--I choose to share with those of you who decide to come along for the ride, who are willing to expand their minds through the expansion of my own.

May what I have learned--encourage your own emotional/spiritual growth--for it is my deepest desire to expand as many minds along my journey here through the physical realm as I can--before I transcend this time and space.


March 25th, 2013

Dear Universe,

I was not sure how to address this message.  As my awareness of self grows, I discover each day something deeper, truer and more lasting than the moment before.

My salutation may be as follows, Dear Universe--Dear I Am…

Up until just a few days ago I believed there was the universe--then there was me.  Although I could conceptualize the idea that at my core I was divine energy, and that the universe was also divine energy--I was not as clear as to the true meaning of such a fact signified.

I am beginning to understand that I am not talking TO the universe.  The universe is that which I  Am…and in each moment I Am creating the universe as I experience it as I go.

To be in full awareness of Self is to understand that I Am who Am and that all that is I Am.

That means that all of my experiences are a reflection of that which I Am and have conceptualized through thought.

If I Am unhappy--it is only because I have claimed through thought somewhere and through some idea--a thought that brings unhappiness.

If I Am feeling unworthy--it is only because I have attached my emotional self to a memory or an idea that causes me anxiety.

If I Am happy--it is only because I have attached my emotional self to ideas, images, concepts or desires that I know will bring me emotional contentment.

That which we feel--we always make real.

If I choose to believe in fear--I will manifest relationships that cause me to feel stuck--and then convince myself that I am stuck--through the I Am command.

The two words I Am literally command the direction of life force.

A statement like, I Am afraid… (fill in the blanks) will command a negative direction.

A statement like, I Am confident…(fill in the blanks) will command a positive direction.

I Am is the driving force behind the creation of the universe.

Awareness is the key that unlocks the doors to happiness, health, abundance, peace, harmony, contentment, joy, bliss, and fun.

To think unpleasant thoughts of ones self or of others is to diminish ones own directional power--because all that is I Am.  To speak or think unkindly of others is to think unkindly of I Am.

It is far better to meet unfortunate circumstances with statements like;

I Am forgiving his/her misunderstanding of me.

I Am forgiving of his/her unflattering representation of themselves.

I Am confident in who I Am regardless of how someone else chooses to see me.

I Am loving to those who are unable to be loving in return.

I Am understanding that the forgiveness I Am able to impart on others is equivalent to the forgiveness I can expect in return.

I Am a winner even if others deem me a loser.

I Am healthy, I Am energized, I Am capable, I Am creating, I Am knowing.

I Am wealthy and continually drawing into my experience the sum of my desires.

I Am confident in spite of what is going on Now.

I Am consistently moving in a more positive direction.

I Am clearing my thoughts of unwanted ideas, images, or constructs.

I Am a student of life.

I Am aware that in every moment I am either constructing the life I desire or destroying the life I claim to think I desire.

I attract that which I AM….

I have no one else to blame for my life--but that which I Am.

That which I think about I bring about…

That which I feel…I make real…

Where my attention goes…my energy goes…

I Am no longer bound by the pains of my dysfunctional childhood experiences.

I Am healed.  I Am anew.  I Am faithful.  I Am hopeful.  I Am fearless.  I Am confident.  I Am aware.  I Am knowing.  I Am thankful.  I Am abundant. I Am appreciative.  I Am good.  I Am kind.  I Am patient.  I Am tolerant.  I Am looking ahead.  I Am happy I Am.

Namaste...

Adult Children of Alcoholics;We Are All One

ACoA's carry with them wounds of the past.  The wounds have us falsely believing that we are not enough.  Because our alcoholics, addicts, narcissists, ( etc ) caretakers, were self absorbed by their drug of choice, (whether their drug was chaos--control--physical/sexual/emotional abuse) they were unable to connect to--US.

Because we ACoA's and children of any person whom was unable to connect with us, have learned to feel apart from--the very people who were supposed to pull us in and fill us with deep senses of belonging--we have been imprisoned by ideas that help keep us isolated from our very Self.

Self alienation is the result of learning to believe in ones unworthiness to belong.  These deep senses of unworthiness cause us to loath self--and to fear the very thing we crave--LOVE.  But until we learn to sooth the dysfunctional whispers of the past--and learn to connect to Self within--by way of allowing ourselves to flow LOVE inward towards Self--our lives remain wheels of loss.

Our ancient teachers, although come from various parts of the world, all point us to one school of thought.  Delve within the teachings of Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Kabbala, Taosim (etc) and you will find a unifying concept.

Although many of us have been manipulated by our religions, in reality much of what we have been taught has been misconstrued and orchestrated to control us rather than to liberate us.

Ancient wisdom beckons us to remember our divine truth.  When Christ said, "I AM WHO AM" he implied that at our core, we are all one.

When Christ said, "I AM THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE" he meant that he is the awakening; the being who is able to see above and beyond present circumstances through enlightenment and awareness, as well as the body experiencing the now.

When Christ said, "HE WHO LIVES IN ME LIVES IN YOU", his intent was to empower the suffering to believe in Self.

In order to heal, we wounded children must learn to turn towards the very Self our dysfunctional pasts taught us to deny.

We have never not been worthy--We have always belonged--and we have always been part of the whole.

Wounded children, it is time to look above and beyond, rather than behind.

When you love Self, you love all that is...because all that is...is YOU.

Namaste....