Thursday, July 24, 2014

Lisa A. Romano--On Air Radio Interview About Codependency--The Road Back To Me

Friday, July 18, 2014

Why We Adult Children of Alcoholics Hate Our Selves--and Secretly Believe We Will Never Be Enough

As a Life Coach, Mentor, Consultant but primarily ADVOCATE for adult children of alcoholics, I understand all too well the silent ills that can plague the mind of a being who has been conditioned to believe that the very essence of who they are--is unworthy.

Every single one of us--including YOU the entity reading and translating the little letters on this page was born perfect, worthy and yes dear one--even ENOUGH!

But what happened?

Why have so many of us gone astray?

How is it--if you and I were born worthy--that we can feel so empty and lost on the inside?

Take a deep breath, perhaps grab a cup of tea--and allow your mind to absorb the information you are about to take in.  You may have to read this article and others like it many times over before the wisdom is able to be absorbed by your very tattered mind.  This is not your fault.  Your mind has been programmed to not only reject information about the validity of your soul--but it has been taught to NOT trust the very emotions you feel.

That's are on a path to self discovery--and in time--if you never give up--you will reach the promised land dear one.

Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Hate Themselves?

ACoA's don't have the market cornered on self hate.  Many beings today who have had dry parents hate themselves as well.  If you have been raised by an emotionally manipulative parent--chances are you share the same wounds as any adult child of an alcoholic.


The answer to the above question is not very tidy.  In fact its messy as hell!

And the reality is--that is exactly how we feel inside--where no one else can see.  We emotionally neglected beings feel--messy--unkempt--powerless--invalid--broken--and live our lives feeling like fakes or phonies because we know how put together we look from the outside.  On some intuitive level we are well aware that we are not being authentic, and to make matters worse--we hate ourselves for feeling disingenuous too!

We ACoA's can't seem to catch a break and the harder we try--the worse it seems to get.

And this is part of WHY we ACoA's hate our Selves.  We realize that the harder we try to please everybody else--the worse we feel--and the more complicated our worlds become.

Let's break it down;

We ACoA's and emotionally manipulated children of unaware caretakers hate self because no one ever took the time to tell us we were good enough.

Children absolutely NEED to be told by others from the outside that they are 'good' 'good enough' and when a child does not receive that 'input or data' the child's brain (computer) does not contain the data the inner being needs to form a solid sense of Self.  Without being told, or without 'feeling' accepted, validated, and unconditionally loved by others--and especially by mother and father--the child does not have the data he/she requires to love Self.

What Happens When A Child Does Not Receive the Message (data) From Parents That He/She Is Enough?

Children think in black and white, so if little Tommy never received the data from mom and dad that impressed him with the idea that HE as a being (as a Self) is good--then he will sadly presume he is bad.  And because ALL children are feeling beings--the impressions felt by little Tommy--will imprint his very absorbable and learning brain with the unconscious belief that HE as a being is not enough. This unconscious 'hunch, feeling, sense' is the fragile foundation upon all future life decisions.

From the above standpoint it is not so difficult to comprehend why so many adult ACoA's struggle with depression, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed.

It is like we live with a ghost in our soul that causes us to fear everything--even our own natural impulses.

It makes for quite a difficult and lonely existence.

The Upside

Yes dear ones there is an upside to being raised by emotionally manipulative people.  Because you have been so disregarded, you have a great desire for love! Your desire for love and acceptance is far greater than a being who has always felt loved, and while this may sound a bit Suzy Sunshine-ish--it's true.

My experiences as a child impressed me with a lot more than feelings of unworthiness.  My experiences also impressed me with a tremendous desire to help others learn how to rewire their brains so that they can live more emotionally free lives.  Because of my experiences I am who I am, helping other struggling emotionally wounded adult children from all over the world.

Yes, I was born an underdog--but there is great, great glory whenever I am able to help another underdog learn how to heal the past--make peace with the present--and yet--become hopeful about tomorrow.

You are all loved--and of course--LOVABLE  even if no one ever told you that!



Monday, July 14, 2014

Adult Child of Alcoholic--Breaking The Cycle--The Warrior's Path

So many of us adult children of alcoholics are wounded in places that most people will never understand.  If you are a being who grew up knowing they were loved--you more than likely could never understand the depths of self doubt we adult children who have been tainted by others alcoholism suffer silently, day in and yes--day out.

When your parent is an alcoholic, drug addict, narcissist, or emotional manipulator of some kind--their main agenda is get their own needs met. YOU as their child--on a heart level--do not feel validated.  Instead, you feel wrong, ill, inept, tainted, unworthy,  broken, and in the way.

Children are born seeking outside of themselves for love, acceptance and validation; which is why when a mother gives birth to a child--the tiny little being does not jump off of the delivery table and begin walking down the hospital hall and out into the world on its own.  No--we human beings come into this time space reality needing--and wait for it--DESERVING of love.

Under healthy circumstances a newborn is birthed to two beings who are emotionally stable enough to grasp hold of the idea that their child is divine, and absolutely deserving of mother and fathers acceptance, validation, nurturing, and love.  But all too often in our world today, parents are caught up in their own dramas and are unable to infuse their children with the very much needed and natural desire a child has to feel 'seen' by them.

In the case of adult children of alcoholics--many of us grew up feeling completely disconnected from our parents and sadly our siblings as well.  The lack of respect for others needs as well as emotional and  psychological well being--set an abrasive tone in the home--which infected all who lived there.  And although many of us grew up in homes that 'looked' perfect from the outside--we who lived in the homes infested by the webs of alcoholism--on a heart level felt anything but perfect.

For those of us who are aware enough to comprehend the depths of our wounds--who are now seeking some kind of recovery--may feel overwhelmed by the task at hand.  We wonder if we will ever be happy, content or fulfilled.  And while all of these concerns are valid and have causes--the truth is--in spite of how we feel about Self today--we are worthy--even if we never learn to embrace that idea.

You see--even though we may never get to that place of complete comfortability--in reality--we are worthy and always were.  Just because we were born to people who were not as emotionally mature as we needed them to be--does not mean--we are not worthy. Just because our parents were unable to give us the love and acceptance we deserved--does not mean we are not enough...

To all of you who are brave enough to face the silly old ghosts--that have ever caused you to doubt your worth as a human being--I honor YOU!

This recovery process is all part of the bigger picture--that is--the evolution of consciousness....

If you are courageous enough to figure this all out--you my friend...are on a Warrior's Path--and as you evolve consciously--you help us all expand in ways unseen...

Thank you--and you are loved!



Saturday, July 5, 2014

Adult Children of Alcoholics--Healing Our Codependent Relationship With God

On the road of my recovery there have been many mind bending obstacles I have had to learn to intellectually as well as emotionally conquer.  Because healing codependency created through the programming my once blank slate of a mind once was as a child--as an adult--I had no way of truly grasping the fact that the thoughts and emotions I was reacting to as an adult--were dysfunctional.

When you are the pattern--you don't know you are the pattern.  The ideas you had on Monday, are the same ideas you have on Tuesday--and on, and on, and on they go.  As adults we ACoA's as well as all other adults born to dysfunctional parents--do not know that the ideas we have been fed, have infested our once innocent fertile minds with bullshit!  No, because we have been taught to fear our emotions, we ignore our gut instincts, and often times become paralyzed emotionally because we are so terrified of unknowns.

As adults we become super sensitive and hyper vigilant because those of us who were bigger and stronger than us--treated us like we were insignificant--and because we knew we were little--we believed them.  All children believe what their parents tell them--either in words--or through stares--or through what they don't say.

I was never told I was ugly--but I was never told I was beautiful either.

I was never told not to feel--but I was shamed when I cried.

I was never told I had no right to be happy--but both my parents glared at me when I laughed too loud and thought nothing of embarrassing me in public.

Perhaps the biggest crock of crap we ACoA's and adults of dysfunctional parents have been sold is the idea that God is out there in the sky somewhere watching us, taking notes, and writing everything that we do or think down on a really long legal pad.  We have been told that we are sinners, and that one day we shall have to pay for our sins, as if being born to caretakers who stomp on our brains isn't enough.


On the road back to me, I finally came to understand that like my parents who used guilt and shame against me, so did my religion.  My religion--like so many others--programs their followers to believe that our worth is NOT a given, and that people need to prove themselves worthy of God.

Holy Hannah--what a bunch of nonsense.


DNA is our genetic stuff--and we are physical manifestations of creation--created through the DNA.  Essentially we create ourselves.  Our DNA creates us--our perceptions create our manifested realities--but either way--we create ourselves--therefore--we are God incarnate (creating our own lives through the divine ability to create genetically as well as materially).

Did I lose any of you??? 

Okay, okay, I won't get all quantum on you, but please listen up!

The biggest lie we have been sold as a people--is that God is out there somewhere--and that others more powerful than we are--are closer to God than we could ever be.

Why would this idea be infused into the masses?

This idea is infused into our society for the same reasons a mother or father uses shame or guilt or fear as a means to control their children.  Parents use fear of rejection against their children all the time--infusing them with the idea--that if they don't do what mommy and daddy want them to do--then mommy and daddy won't love them anymore.

Imagine the child of parents who never used guilt as a means to control them.

Imagine the child who from birth felt unconditionally loved and as if their worth was a given.

Imagine the kind of human being that child would be as an adult.

This being would be kind, gentle, loving, understanding, and non judgmental.

In society this being would be one who held others responsible, because he/she understood the peace that comes when he/she respects his/her own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others.

This being would not need Zanex to get through a day, gamble, drink, do drugs, overeat, or harm others.

This being would question authority--especially if the rules imposed were irrational--and unfair.

This being would not be manipulated by advertisements or lyrics to songs.

This being would be happy, content, and live life naturally being kind to others.

What kind of society would we have if the members of that society could not be controlled with fear and who were ruled only by the desire to be kind to self and to others?

What would happen if people began to understand they don't need to buy that house--or that car--or look that way in order to be worthy?

What would happen if people no longer needed to seek God in churches, temples and mosques, and instead truly began to understand that God is wherever they are--and in all that is?

What kind of society could we create if beings went to churches, synagogues and mosques because they wanted to be in the company of others who too understood that each being present is another manifestation of God in human form, and instead of fearing NOT going to commune with others for fear of being rejected by God--he/she communed because communion brought about appreciation for all that is--and for all who are?

What would happen if men and women understood they are one in the same?

What would happen if the caucasian, black, hispanic, asian, and alike--understood that they too were one in the same?


Without fear, the masses cannot be controlled by the few at the top.

The few at the top--need the masses.

Hate is a business--and fear is the fuel.

There are profits to be made by creating illusions the masses are powerless to avoid completely.

If the media can manipulate the masses ideas of beauty--and at same time--insidiously suggest that unless a woman or young girl fits this unattainable image projected--she is unworthy--then it all but guarantees society has successfully created a self loathing consumer who will either generate profit through psychiatric medications, or beauty products, or through diet pills, or through plastic surgery, or through DWI's which lines the pockets of lawyers, judges, and alike--or all of the mentioned forms of cash revenue.


It has taken me decades to understand that the odds were stacked against me (and of course you) from the moment of conception.

We were born to consume and thus become producers; producers of revenue.

Our parents unknowingly infused us with fear because they never learned to love themselves.

Our schools are breeding grounds for competition which is fear based, and so we fear even going to school and not performing as well as other children.

Peer pressure fueled by the media, (children are injected with the notion that they should all look, and act a certain way to be accepted) adds to our feelings of unworthiness.

Most of our religions brainwash us into thinking we were all born unworthy and that we have to do this thing or that thing in order to go to heaven.

Is it any wonder so many of us are so screwed up?


If I could wave a magic wand and erase all the nonsense you and I have been brainwashed and programmed to believe about our unworthiness--I would--but I can't.

What I can do is keep learning and sharing with others that which I have learned in as many platforms as possible so to expand your awareness of Self--and thus help you totally heal your life.

NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE HAS EVER TOLD YOU God is NOT out there somewhere.  God is in you--you and God are one.

And the only reason you have ever done anything unkind, or not so nice--is because somewhere along your life's path someone you trusted, taught you to believe in fear.

When you are healed--you no longer fear anything--not even death--because you finally understand, 
I AM THAT, I AM--even if you, and you, and you--don't understand that yet.

Namaste...You ARE LOVED!


Thursday, July 3, 2014

Adult Children of Alcoholics--LOVE THY SELF

This post is dedicated to Vladmir, a loyal reader and ACoA in Russia;

Yes Vladimir, it is up to our parents to love us unconditionally so that we the innocent beings are able to integrate mind, body and soul--but when we are born to people who are unaware they themselves have a self--and instead are reactive--there is no way they will ever be able to instill in us the secure sense of self we need to mature emotionally.

Unfortunately we the children of the self absorbed--FEEL rejected--and presume that the reason we are being unseen--is because WE are ill--or wrong--or inept....

They only secret ever--is YOU....

In reality--we do not need our parents to love us unconditionally--not really--because we are ENOUGH--at our core--even if no one ever validates us...Each of us--is a seed--of God--we are all One...not only with all that is--but with mankind...We are all brothers and sisters--its just--that some of us--know that--some of us don't--some of us want to know our truth--and some of us don't--some of us really really care about discovering the secrets to life--and some of us don't...

This is a free will zone--so that means--every individual has the right to live their life as they choose--even if what they choose does not serve their higher good--or their children's higher is sad--but true.

My goal?


And I hope I have inspired you to do the same...

Love cures ALL...but but but--all Love starts with Self Love...

Namaste Vladmir--thank you for showing your appreciation for my work...

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Codependents--How To Awaken To The True Self--Books on Codependency

While the term 'codependency' may be clouded with misunderstandings, it is quite an epidemic.  In fact, it is a worldwide epidemic, although rarely does the common man stop to ponder such deep thinking thoughts.

By common man, I am referring to those amongst us who have forgotten or perhaps have never learned to think.

Codependency is a programmed condition that is rooted in the very fibers of the blueprint that becomes a beings subconscious belief system.

Why is this important to pick apart and totally understand?

Because if you do not know your Self--you are no more than a walking, breathing zombie.  That's right, a zombie.

Before I began my recovery journey I often said, "I feel like a shell." I didn't feel real, but I didn't know why.

I believe that the disconnect between my psychological mind, which was founded on my subconscious belief systems and the most natural facet of me; my spirit/soul/self was the reason I did not feel whole.

In fact, I wasn't whole.  I was a fragmented mess, focused only on others.

As the child of two adult children of alcoholics, I had been conditioned through my parents neurosis to believe I was not enough, and that my worth as a human being hinged on what other people thought about me.

So ingrained were the ideas that who I was--depended on whether or not I could somehow manipulate a sense of worthiness in the eyes of another--that I lost three decades of my life splintered off from the essence of me--my divine Self.



Not only have most of us been conditioned to worry more about what our parents think about us than we do about ourselves, but we have been born into a society that bombards us with images, data, magazine ads, newspapers and television advertisement that in covert as well as overt ways implies that the only way a human being can be happy is if he or she looks like the collection of pixels someone out there has determined we should.

We are being force fed bullshit, and most of us are so unaware of what is going on in our subconscious plane, that we mindlessly buy the products we are subliminally urged to buy, and slowly reinforce the negative and destructive unconscious thread in our head that loops in the foreground of our so called thinking mind, that we are not enough as we are.

To begin healing your codependent mind, you must turn away from those who do not support you--and whose agenda it is to have power over you-so to feed their need to stay in control over others emotions, and sometimes physicality.

As you begin to create emotional distance between your mind and others--it is necessary to then turn within and begin seeing Self for the divinity it truly is.


The hidden secret of all times--is YOU.

God--spirit--source--creator--the label matters not.

What matters is the knowing that whatever created the sun, moon, stars, planets, and galaxies--created YOU.

The creator of all that is--is YOUR DNA.


DNA is comprised of chromosomes represented by an X.

Yes, Jesus on the cross represents a human beings ability to be a creator through the power of his/her DNA which is represented by a cross.  An X is essentially shaped as a cross.

The real hidden secret is--that you--at your core truly are created in the image and the likeness of creator, and your true power resides in your ability to love Self--because the vibration of love--transmits as a wave--at a quantum level--through the atomic activity held within the atoms (Adams) of your DNA.

The very core of you is Light dear ones--and all the materialism--drugs--superficiality--the beauty industry and music industry--were designed to keep this truth from you--so to create consumers who mindlessly fuel the cash cows at the top of our economic food chain.


Namaste--I SEE YOU!


Monday, June 30, 2014

Codependency--Brainwashing of The Masses

If you are codependent--it is possible to awaken.

You and I have been brainwashed--into believing--we are NOT enough.


Because people who are asleep--cannot say 'no'.

They do not even know they can say 'no'.

Think about it!


Thursday, June 26, 2014

Codependency-The Silent Epidemic and Addiction

Codependency is everywhere.  It is in our media, our newspapers, and on our airwaves.  In obvious as well as covert ways we as a people are being brainwashed to worry more about what others think about us than what we think about ourselves.  In addition, we are bombarded with subliminal messages that cause us to unconsciously fear being alone, unworthy, and definitely not enough.

From Cinderella to so called 'Reality TV' we consumers--consume the garbage we observe without as much as a 'WTF?'

We get sucked into the codependent dramas we witness on television and in the movies and rarely stop to think, "Hey wait a minute. What did I just absorb into my freakin' psyche right now?"

In overt as well as covert ways we the individuals--that in all make up the masses are being hypnotized to believe we are not enough.  We are so not enough--we need to take diet pills, get lash extensions, study porn for the latest sex positions, say yes when we wish we could say no, have the perfect marriage, raise the smartest kids, drive the right car, have a ton of money in the bank, obtain job security, and of course somehow never, ever get crows feet.

Botox, silicone and Zanex--oh my!

The illusions we ingest are dysfunctional.  

The nonsense we observe and absorb in the media is far from 'reality'.  But unfortunately, it is entertaining and for some--intoxicating, and of course it sells.

What better way of creating commerce by hypnotizing people into believing they are not enough.

By doing so--we gain control over the minds of others--keep them wanting--train them to believe they are dissatisfied--create conflict within the minds of the beings--and thus--keep them buying those diet pills, craving those anti depressants, engaging in affairs which create chaos and ring the registers of lawyers, judges and court systems, keep them fighting to make more money--to buy more things--to create more revenue to line the pockets of the elite few.

In addition, we create the illusion of utopia--the perfect child--the perfect marriage--the perfect body--the perfect relationship--the perfect face--and thus--brainwash people to crave what is unattainable--so to keep them on the hook, like a fish dangling off a lure.

Codependency is the silent epidemic.  It is also the not so obvious addiction that is at the core of many mental health issues being treated today.

Although most people may be unaware we as a society are programmed to believe 'we are not enough'--at same time--without our conscious acknowledgment--we are being programmed to believe that the standards 'others' set for us--is the standard we should be reaching for.

What must extra terrestrials think about us earthlings?

What must they think about all of us who so easily become hypnotized by what we watch on television? What must they think about all of us ( and I have been guilty of it myself) who run out and copycat the styles of clothing a particular celebrity wears? What must they think about all of us who run out and paralyze our facial muscles with Botox for the sake of minimizing wrinkles? (which by the way--we do because we worry about how others will judge us (( so totally in our heads)) ?

And what about all of us who get caught up in thinking and believing that the images of love we see in the media is the way love is supposed to be?


Romeo and Juliet??? Really???

Cinderella and the Prince who found her shoe??? Really???

The Housewives of reality TV??? Really???

Rhianna and Chris Brown???


Sex in the City kind of love???


Kanye and you know who???


And what the hell are we women supposed to look like nowadays?  What hypnotic pill have we all been fed recently that defines for our American society--that which is considered attractive and 'in' these days?

That's right--if we go by today's hypnotic standards our asses should all look like flotation devices--otherwise--we are not enough.  Enough for what? For someone else's validation? Our asses should be as hefty as a side of beef otherwise--we don't measure up? To whom? For what? Who wrote that script anyway?

Oh my gosh!

Unfortunately not enough of us wake up and question what we are allowing to enter our psyches.  Unfortunately moms today often do not realize that by not loving themselves, they are infusing their daughters with doses of low self esteem.  Unfortunately we parents today do not realize that when we whine about aging and the few extra pounds that come along with aging--we are conditioning our children to fear--getting older, what other people think about us getting older--and in essence--that they--as they are--at whatever stage in life they are at--is not enough.

For anyone courageous enough to have read this article through to the end...I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to possibly have you question what you allow to enter into your mind.


And if you dare--turn off the TV--don't even read the covers of those rag magazines--and go on a news fast.


You are loved...we are one...


Sunday, June 22, 2014

Adult Children of Alcoholics--Coming Out of The Closet--Beyond The 12 Step Programs

When I was going through my recovery process, initially I attended 12 step programs to help me stay aware.  At first I thought this was a really good idea, but the more meetings I attended the more I realized they were not for me.

Although I do firmly believe some people benefit tremendously from 12 step meetings, there are those of us who simply do not.

For all of you adult children of alcoholics, as well as grandchildren of alcoholics--and least we not forget our brothers and sisters who were born to 'dry' dysfunctional parents--this post is for you!

Coming Out Of The Closet

My mission in life is to bring as many ACoA's as well as any adult children of the dysfunctional  who were born to emotional vampires--and were turned into zombies--by nonsensical parenting--out of the damn closet!

We have done nothing wrong!

Yes, certainly group meetings are intended to be safe places where attendees can share their laundry lists without the fear of other members spreading their personal information to others.  I get that.  But I cannot help but feel the need to address the idea that WE NEED TO CREATE AN ALLIANCE WITH ONE ANOTHER--SO WE CAN SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS--AND HELP BRING ABOUT GREAT CHANGE IN THIS WORLD BY CLAIMING WHAT HAPPENED TO US--NO LONGER AFRAID OF WHO MIGHT FIND OUT WHAT!

What good news?

The good news is--it is possible to heal.  It is possible to get so damn cognitive--that you are able to understand that all of your behaviors and thoughts and beliefs--are the result of brainwashing.

Yes--I said it--brainwashing.


Then what?

As a child you love the vampireS--because they are your parents.  You are too young to cognitively understand they are sucking your birthright to love your Self right out of you--through how they speak to you--treat you--treat themselves--and treat others.

Because ALL children need to absolutely believe mommy and daddy are godlike--they are too innocent to understand the truth--the truth being--mommy and daddy are possessed by the disease of alcoholism--and like vampires--when they smile at you with the intent of sucking the life force out of you--you're innocently confused.

Alcoholics--are self absorbed--and are unable to validate others needs.  They can't--because their disease is one of BLAMELESSNESS.

An alcoholic thinks, "It's your problem I drink--not mine," just as a vampire might think, "It's your fault I suck your blood--not mine."


As children of the vampire like--we grew feeling like we weren't real.  Nothing made sense in our environment.  We sort of felt like mommy and daddy should 'act' like they love us--or at least 'act' like they cared about our feelings--but when they didn't, it made us feel like we were the one with the problem--not them.  And sometimes our vampires shamed us for wanting to be loved.  How f*@#ked up is that?

Because our brains were learning the most when we were under the age of 5, if our parents were vampires--our brain has been hijacked by dysfunctional programming.

We ACoA's literally walk through life like zombies, because our parents have done a lousy job at helping us tune into the Self.

Some of us were so busy trying to pay attention to what the alcoholic in our lives was doing, saying or thinking, that we don't know how to shut that paranoid feeling off.  Even though our vampires may be dead--the programming we received as children--that refuses to allow us to let our guard down--has become a part of us.  We do not know any other way of living--except through hyper vigilance.

I say--let's come out of the closet!  Let's support one another...Let's give each-other the support we never got!  Let's reach out to others in our neighbors, and our schools and tell them--that if they do not feel enough--that is only because they are NOT thinking appropriately...because someone they trusted was probably a vampire.

Of course they're enough--we all are!

But when you are raised by manipulative vampires whom you are entrusted in--the webs of confusion they create within our little innocent beings scrambles our ability to not only think rationally--but causes us to turn away from our god Self.


If you are interested in attending  a FREE google hangout session for ACoA's or for anyone born to vampires--please drop me an email at

I will post a date and time for all of us to chat, so we can all support one another--and help bring about energetic shifts not only within all of us in the group--but maybe even in the world.

You are LOVED Dear One!